You’re still Here, Grandpa.

You're still Here, Grandpa. 1

I still can not believe that five years ago I received a phone call that gave me one of the biggest blows to the heart. A blow that I still carry with me. I woke up thinking it was a phone call that my mom was coming to our house. I heard the break in her voice and she didn’t have to say the words, I dropped to the floor.

Grandpa was gone. 

My rock. My protector. The one who could chew my ass out for whatever stupidity I had done but I still knew he was the one I could turn to. I could make a phone call to ask a car question, for directions “Jenna, you know how to get there, it’s by ____”.

I think about how life would be if you were still here Grandpa. I worry about Grandma. She misses her soul mate Grandpa. I can look at your “story” and you guys are another Johnny Cash and June. True Love Always. Gary and Dixie Hutzel

I wish I lived closer so I could be around her all the time. She gets that sparkle in her eyes when I bring the kids to see her.

What would you think of the twins Grandpa? Man, I could only imagine how tickled you’d be by my boys and blown away by Kelsie and Aubrey. The last picture I have of you holding Aubrey and kissing her on the forehead sits directly in front of me in the living room. The forever reminder of unconditional love. 

Aubrey Grandpa

Without saying anything, the girls know who you are. They talk about “Great-Grandpa”. Some would say they were too young to remember you. I think them talking about you shows how much they know of your love.

I think about you every day Grandpa. No one will ever take your place. The other night when I was struggling, I just wanted to hear your voice again, feel your strong hand on my shoulder, I needed my hero.

The song from your funeral came on and I broke down crying. It was my sign you had my back. While I thought I was alone, it was a reminder that you were right there with me.

I love you with all my heart Grandpa. I still can’t say “Goodbye”. February 20th will never be the same without you.


We Love You Grandpa.

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  1. I know how you fell. I lost my grandpa 21 years go when I was 7 so my memories are not s complete as I would have liked.I do remember the games he played with me and books he read. He passed on his love for fishing, bird watching, nature and painting to his 9 grandchildren (ll my siblings) and his others!

  2. I’m sorry for your loss. What a beautiful tribute to your grandpa. You can see how much you loved him.

  3. I lost my grandpa 11 years ago. I was only 17 when he died. I so wish that I could know him now, as an adult. There are things that I understand about him now that I was clueless about back then. I loved him so much and miss him terribly.

  4. i’m so sorry for your loss, no matter when it occurred. it’s something that stays with you for always. thank you for opening up to your readers! and wow, that first photograph is epic…

  5. My goodness! It’s been almost 30 years since my Grandma passed and reading this still brings tears to my eyes about her. Like your Grandpa, she was my rock, my solid place, my everything. And even though I knew right before the phone rang that she was gone, it still hurts. We visited her gravesite (the first time for me, and the first time my kids got to “meet” her) and I remember thinking how blessed I was to have that woman. Her husband, my grandpa, died a few months after I was born so she took both roles and boy did she fill those shoes!! Thank you for your transparency here.

  6. I have tears in my eyes! My grandparents have all passed on, but I think about them often and I’ll always cherish the memories. Sometimes I think about my grandma and think, “She would get a kick out of that.”

    I think your tribute to your grandpa is beautiful and I know he would be so proud of you!

  7. Jenna, I enjoyed this beautiful tribute to your Grandfather. What a wonderful thing to do! I too have twins! How fun. It is a balancing act – for sure. Mine are now 4 1/2 and I finally am feeling more that I have my feet under me – some days! Anyway, enjoyed your beautiful tribute. Thank you!

  8. I was just looking at a picture on our refrigerator yesterday… it is from years ago, but all of my siblings and myself are sitting with my great-grandparents. They are both gone now, many years ago. But it is beautiful to remember.

  9. Beautiful story. I miss my grandmother everyday as well. She was like a mother to me. I’m glad you have those beautiful pictures and memories 🙂

  10. So sorry for your loss – Blessings to you and your family as yall move forward

  11. I am very sorry for your loss. I know how hard it. I lost my grandfather to cancer and my grandmother to cancer 10 months later. It was her wish to no longer fight and ‘be with grandpa.’ As hard as it was to let her go, they had been married 60 years. I miss them both every day and its been almost 7 years.

  12. i’m sorry for you loss <3 It's so hard to lose some one special, especially as you have kids and wish that they could meet them!

  13. I am so sorry for your loss. I am blessed to still have my grandfathers, but I know that their passing will be a great loss. You are in my thoughts and prayers, as I know that every anniversary can be hard. It was a beautiful tribute.

  14. Beautifully written and such a wonderful tribute about your Grandpa. Thank you for sharing.

  15. Loosing a grandparent is so hard. I only have one left. My grandma is 90 years old today. I miss my grandparents and great grandparents that have gone to be with the Lord so much! I look forward to the day I will see them again.

  16. I´m so sorry for your loss. Your post brings tears in my eyes – it is just so sweet. Unfortunately I have never met my grandpa, because he died just couple of days before I was born.

  17. I am so sorry for your loss! I list both my grandma and grandpa 10 years ago and I still miss them a lot! I wish they had met my husband and my kids. You are right no one can ever take their place!

  18. I am so sorry for your loss! I lost both my grandma and grandpa 10 years ago and I still mids them a lot. I wish they had met my husband and kids!

  19. I lost my grandmother a couple of years ago and I think back regularly to how she was a support in my life. I know she’s still here watching over us and I can feel her presence. Thank you for sharing.

  20. What a wondwerful story. You are so lucky to have had such a wonderful Grandpa. I am so sorry for your loss. He will live forever with your memories. 🙂

  21. Can I just give you a big hug? Thank you for sharing a part of yourself with us. I felt how much you love your grandfather so much. Praying for you and your family.

  22. It is amazing that you had a chance to have such an amazing relationship with your grandpa. I don’t speak with any of my family they’re awful people. I never had this kind of connection with any of my grandparents, not at all.

  23. What a special relationship you shared with your grandpa. 3 of my 4 grandparents died before my sons were born and I wonder how tickled they’d be by them. You see a great joy in having all your generations connect.

  24. It is beautiful how you can remember him and teach your children about him. I have lost all my grandparents. Two when I was very young and the other two a few years ago. The hardest one to deal with was my grandfather who was so unexpected. I can still remember sitting at the computer playing some silly video game when the phone rang, it was my brother. He told me we lost papaw. At the time it didn’t register. Lost him? Where? It was like a shock. It still hurts. 🙂 I love to share my memories of all of them with my kids. They were wonderful people and they should be remembered.

  25. I understand how you feel. My grandpa died when I was 11, and I just wrote a post about staying with my grandma for a couple of months after he passed back. Seeing his old pickup in a picture made me tear up and miss him –28 years later!

  26. I’m so sorry for your loss! What a beautiful tribute to your Grandpa. I hope you are doing ok and thank you for sharing with all of us.

  27. Hi Jenna. What a wonderful tribute to your grandpa. I am sure he is very pleased with you and your little ones. It is so very hard to lose someone we love so dearly. The truly sad part of death is that we are left behind to live without them. But, we look forward to that day that we will be reunited with them. They will hug and kiss us and welcome us with open arms.

  28. Sorry to hear about your loss. When my granddad died it hit me really hard because we shared alot of special times together. As time passes it gets easier.

  29. What a beautiful post and tribute to a wonderful man! You made me believe he was the best grandpa in the world, of course he was! Blessings to you for keeping his memory alive with your children. He would be proud of you I am sure. ?

  30. Thank you Jenna for sharing. I know this pain all to well and am sorry for your loss. I lost my hero, my grandma 4 years ago, and my Aunt suddenly to cancer in Nov. Those memories are so precious and something to pass on to your children. Write down memories they shared with you of their loved ones, everything that made them so special to you.

    Visiting from Commentathon

  31. I’m so sorry for your loss. I don’t have grandparents and I think it would have made my life different to have a grandfather who I could turn to. Thanks for sharing your story.

  32. What an excellent tribute. Your grandparents were a cute couple. I hope your children find in strength that has been passed on to them via your grandparents. It seems that your grandfather left a strong legacy. Thank you for honoring that generation and helping our generation understand the value of stability and love they possessed.

  33. What an inspiring story. It seems your grandfather left a very strong legacy and deep hope that can be shared for generations. I hope that your children find inner strength they received from him to become even better than he was. Thank you for sharing this story and honoring that generation and sharing with us the love that we can extend to our own families today.

  34. Oh, Jenna. My heart hurts for yours. The relationship between a grandfather and granddaughter is so special, no one else can really fill it. My grandpa has been gone for some 30 years now but the memory of him and my grandma (gone nearly 20 years) will always be a solid one of love. My children will never know him, they were little when he passed but I will tell them about him every chance I get. They are grown now and have given me grandchildren – may they remember me so well.

  35. This “gets to me” because I had the same incredible relationship with my grandfather. I’m so thankful for having had him in my life and thankful for today’s reminder. <3

  36. I can’t imagine how painful it must be to lose someone who is such a strong person in your life. I think it’s beautiful that you’re taking the time to remember him and give tribute to him, even after 5 years have passed since his death. That really shows what an impact he had on your life, that he’s not just gone and forgotten.

  37. I’m sure your grandpa is smiling down on you…pleased. He’s proud to know the woman, the mom, the granddaughter you’ve become. He’s as blessed by you as you are by him.

    Thank God for Grandpas. Will be sure to hug mine extra tight the next time I see him.

    Blessings to you,

  38. Thank you for sharing your story! I’m sorry for your loss. I lost my grandparents when I was young, so I didn’t have them around growing up, unfortunately. I sometimes wonder what it would have been like if they were around growing up and what life would have been like. I’m glad that you had your grandfather around, it sounds like he was really important to you and made a huge impact on your life.

  39. Sorry for your loss Jenna. I recently lost an uncle that i was very close too. This is a very nice way to have a tribute for your grandpa. I may steal the idea. Thanks for sharing.

  40. I am so sorry for your loss. Although one of my grandfathers died when I was 4, I was lucky enough to have three grandparents into my 20s, two into my 30s and one into my 40s. Now, it is been about 8 years since I have had any grandparents, and I miss them all every day. I am so grateful my older daughter was able to get to know at least one of my grandmothers and have a close relationship with her like I did and still. My daughter is now 12, and she still talks about my grandmother and remembers her and misses her even though my daughter was only 4 when my grandmother died.

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