When Mom Guilt Kicks

When Mom Guilt Kicks 1

This Summer has been a chaotic one. As I prepare to send the twins off to Kindergarten, I find myself stuck worrying about quite a bit. Unfortunately I can admit, feeling the mom guilt also leads an old friend to try popping up. Depression.

I have spent 90% of our Summer with the twins at therapy services. Speech. Occupational. Physical. Feeding Therapy. From the appointments, we’ve then had extra time at home taking care of the home therapy, researching new services that might help the twins, and trying to find answers.

It has not been an easy task. And I’ve found myself beating myself up over and over again.

Nathan and Lucas finally have a speech diagnosis. Both have been diagnosed with Childhood Apraxia of Speech. I have been given no reasoning to why this apraxia has happened but as their mother, I of course find myself asking “Why? Is it something I did?” I understand that I will probably never know.

We are days away from school starting and I find myself worrying about how school will work. There are questions I still have unanswered and want to know that the twins will get along okay.

Next month, the twins will start an AAC device trial to hopefully find a device that will help them at school when peers or teachers might not understand what they are trying to say. These little boys have made HUGE progress and I see each day how hard they are working to get those mouth muscles where they need to be. These boys are tough cookies.

In October, we will finally get our appointment with the developmental pediatrician. It has been close to a year of waiting for these appointments. I can only cross my fingers that this will open up more answers, more options to help, and more.

While this would wear anyone out, it’s been hitting me hardcore. With my own health issues, I’ve found the fatigue hitting.

I’ll just keep fighting. One day at a time is all I can do right now.

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