July 18, 2018.
Some would look at it as a day of torture. I quickly realized that I had spent so much time trying to save those around me that I was making myself sick. While my engagement might have been ended and so many things coming to light, I knew enough was enough and I had done more than enough for a person that I thought loved me.
Of course, this wasn’t the first person to take advantage of me…as a matter of fact, it was all I really knew.
It was time for me to put the oxygen mask on myself.
I grew up thinking I had to protect others who really should have been protecting me. It took me 30 years to realize though that my mom never would “accept” me as I was the kid tossed around and learning to fend for myself. No matter what, it would never be good enough for my Mom. She knew of abuse throughout my life and when a mother would protect, she placed blame on me and why these things were my fault. If I wasn’t perfect, bad things were my fault.
Over the past several years, I have learned alot about myself, especially since that day last year. While I might let self-doubt tear me down, I’ve found myself calling it out, telling my best friend anytime it pops up so I don’t hide it in.
As I turn 32 years old, I find myself in a relationship with a person that truly loves my strengths and my quirks, who is in my corner when I’m not even in it for myself. I make mistakes that many in my past would attack but he doesn’t. I never knew this is what life and love is supposed to feel like. I was so used to being told how “good” I had it. The only person that loved me in the same way, unconditionally, was my Grandfather. And sure enough, Nick and Grandpa definitely have some funny things in common.
31 years of being told I wasn’t enough, slowly but surely, I’ll break that thought process. When people turn their backs or walk out of your life, remember, those that are meant to be there will make a spot for you. Stop fighting for those unwilling to fight for you.
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As an individual that has been in a “social media spotlight”, I have seen some crazy things happen over the years. When your life is on display, sometimes you find yourself wondering when is the right time to share news or the what can I safely share. There will always be backlash or individuals who think they can pick apart your every move. They hide behind a keyboard with confidence they wouldn’t have otherwise. Over the past few months, you might have started noticing a new face that has become a familiar face… 2018 was a hard year but it was also a year of learning and growth…while I felt myself losing people I thought were always a part of my life… I learned to stop worrying about those who didn’t keep their word or make an effort. Nick has been by best friend through thick and thin, and pushed me to keep going when I couldn’t push myself…every thing happens for a reason and I can not express how much he means to my kiddos and me. You will be seeing him more as we are in the process of combining our households and setting out on this journey together! ????????? #family #relationships #socialmedia #love #bestfriends #twinning #1111awakening #teamtogether #newchapterbegins . . . . . #growth #positivevibes #change #beautiful #smile #newbeginnings #goals #happy
When others see your happiness and success, they will try anything to take it away. Don’t let them. They’d kill to see you fall.