Becoming A Single Parent

I seriously have sat here wanting to write this for several days now. To me though, the words still just won’t come out right.

In the near future, I will gain labels that despite the many in today’s society, as still there. I will be “divorced”. I will be a “single mother”. Do you still see a stigma in the world? So many single parents are labeled with “welfare cases” and not stable for their children. How is that fair?

Now there is no doubt in my mind, I am doing what is best for my little girls and myself yet, I am still intimidated. I love my girls with all of my heart and make sure they get everything they need and then some. I switched from my four-year degree to a vocational degree because I knew it would allow me to get a career vs. job. No, that’s not the only reason I gave up pursuing my degree at Iowa State folks. When the time is right, I will return to Iowa State. But right now, I know I am working to stand on my own two feet so Kelsie and Aubrey can get what they need.

I’ve gotten several “I’m sorry to hear that” and several “divorce is a sin” comments to which I just want to “Why?”. You are telling me it is a sin for me to be happy? It is a sin to better my children’s environment? That’s not fair at all.

It’s going to be a long road but I can do it.

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  1. ((((JENNA)))) I am so happy that you are getting what you need. I know you need this and it will be the best for you and both the girls! I’ll be thinking a lot about you guys!

  2. I can tell you that I was married at 17, baby at 18, divorced at 20. That decision was the best I could have ever made. It was a hard one, don’t get me wrong, but it was for the best for my baby and for myself. You will have a lot of ‘stepping stones’ on your path of life. Those stepping stones in life(whether they be a boyfriend after the divorce, a move to a new town, or anything) create who you are and who you were meant to be. Without my ‘stepping stones’ in my life, I would never have met my current husband. Sometimes you have to go through a lot to get to where you need to be. You do what you need to do and if divorce is the answer, so be it. I grew up in a hateful household. My parents were married for 28 years; probably 18, if not more, of those years were dreadful and unhappy. I would rather my kids grow up in a happy single home than an unhappy married parent home. Hugs to you girl and you know I am here anytime to vent, text, email or for me to drive to you and spend the day together. ((hugs))

  3. I don’t like it when other people judge people who’ve been divorced. I married a divorced man (his former wife had a baby girl by another man while he was still married to her and tried for a full two years to try and make their marriage work even after that child was born), and took in his first born son into my life when I meet him two years after his divorce was final.
    It is not always mentally healthy or safe for some children to be raised in homes where the parents really only stay together for the children’s sakes.
    Kids pick up on parents who are no longer in love or who constantly bicker with one another, or a parent who is actually afraid or depleted as a human being by the other so-called domineering adult.
    There were so many times as a kid, that my brother and my sisters, along with me actually begged our mom to divorce our alcoholic Dad, but she wouldn’t.
    My Dad was a hard core drunk from the time I was three years old, after a car accident that my five year old sister was killed in, until the time I was 16 and a half years old.
    Then when he quite drinking, because he saw a buddy of his beat up his daughter when he was really drunk, and couldn’t remember he did it, my Dad realized that could have been him.
    He quite drinking, and instead became a very mean man for about another 8 years, probably because he was constantly fighting the desire for the alcohol.
    He finally mellowed after that, but those years were awful. Kids shouldn’t have to go through that.

  4. I’m so sorry this has happened to you and that people have said those things to you. God bless you and keep you safe and strong, and may you find the support you need to find peace and to raise your girls the best way possible.

  5. I, too, would have a difficult time knowing how to get the words to “come out right.”
    There are WAY too many people who think divorce is a sin. (Unfortunately, I think I used to be one of them… until my marriage went through & continues to go through a rocky time.)
    Thank you for your openness and honesty. May God genuinely bless you for making what you feel is the right choice for you and your daughters.

  6. Your girls will be better to have 2 happy parents (or at least one) rather than 2 miserable ones. If you’re happy, you’ll be a better mom. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, some marriages just can’t be fixed.

  7. Just like you get all sorts of unwanted advice and opinions when you’re pregnant, there’s no end to it when you get divorced. Every situation is different, but you’re on the best track keeping the kids foremost. Best wishes!

  8. I would never place a label on you. And I know a lot of others wouldn’t either. I was raised with a single mother, and I can tell you it made me cherish and love her even more.

    In todays world, if somebody holds a divorce against you, they are either pushy with their beliefs, or living in the past.

    And if you ever come across somebody like that, you come to me and we’ll have a girls night online. 🙂

  9. I’m so sorry hon. Wish I had some great words of wisdom or something profound to say. But I’ll be thinking positive thoughts and big hugs for you!

  10. Just like other PP said you’ll get those want to fix your marriage, those that are so glad you are rid of that bastard, those that want you to party all the time. It’s all out there. You just do what is right for YOU and the kiddos and everyone else can Fuck Off

  11. Hugs for you. My sister recently had to make this same choice. I know it was hard, but you and she both are just trying to take the best care of your girls as possible. I’ll send lots of hugs and prayers your way over the coming weeks.

  12. Pingback: Keep the media to a minimum | Parenting Help in Michigan

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