Ten Years since We said Goodbye

Grandpa-

With every detail of that day, it doesn’t seem like it’s been ten years since the day you left us. February 20, 2009, I remember the phone call that broke my heart into a million pieces. I knew you were gone and nothing could change it.

I know that you were my rock and my hero Grandpa. I wanted to learn anything and everything from you, even if you chewed my butt a few times for crawling under the Trans Am or falling out of your trees. I could not get enough of learning and admiring you.

You are often told that as the years go by, the pain will fade away. I know that such a statement is impossible because this day have been the hardest day of remembering you are gone.

My twins absolutely adore hearing stories about your shenanigans…especially ones involving Grandma’s house slipper flying at your head. From firecrackers in cool whip bowls in the house to the garden hose attacking, I always knew you’d have a new adventure for me to learn.

While life hasn’t been easy with you gone, okay ever, it hurts to know you didn’t get to physically meet Nathan and Lucas. You would be so tickled by the love of these boys, especially how they have fallen in love with Elvis and Johnny Cash. My last picture is the kiss to Aubrey’s forehead I often call “The Picture of 1000 Words”. While the past year hasn’t exactly been the easiest, I know that things are falling into place and it hurts that you are physically missing out.

Most of my life, I’ve always believed what others said about how I should feel or telling me “their truth” of who I am. You showed me unconditional love from before I was born until the day you died. I know that everything happens for a reason and the kids and I know you sent that unconditional love back by giving me my best friend that shows us love much as a reminder of how you did.

I know that even when I say I’m giving up, I know I can’t because that’s not the person you made me. My love will not let me give up as he knows how hard I work to achieve. He has taken your place in protecting me and loving me, even with all those flaws I beat myself up for.

It hurts that you can not see things falling into place and of course I’m sure I would get an “About time” comment. I’m fighting to stop letting fear win and to stop doubting myself and who I am. I’ve had to sever ties with several individuals over the years, including family. I’m stubborn like you. I have a temper like you.

But I have your heart of gold. No matter what I might be facing, I know I can help another in some way. I learned more than I can ever put into words from you Grandpa. What I would do for your voice one last time and a hug from your big burly arms.

I know you are watching over me and the kiddos and they love your old stories. I hope I make you proud and I promise to always keep going.