I have dealt with a chronic pain syndrome or symptoms for 99% of my adult life. The thing that truly stings the most is when you get a small glimpse at hope, followed by a “hit” that makes things go downhill.
I have had botox treatments for migraines, epidurals, nerve blocks, trigger point injections into my scalp, back, joint injections. I’ve taken medications that have made me even sicker than before. I have tried everything I possibly could to feel better. After awhile, you just get sick of it and say enough is enough. I stopped the millions of medications I kept getting told to take. I stopped going to the specialists that shrug it off and tell you there’s really nothing else to do so just keep doing ______). I was literally throwing up every day, likely from the medicines in my system.
I still fought the pain but I felt better. There were times I’d just have to curl up and hide for a few. A saying I’ve commonly used is, “Fake it til You make it.” Many don’t realize when I’m in pain because I’ve often held it together until I’m behind closed doors.
In October, I screwed up my neck. BAD. It could not be twisted whatsoever and I entered the ER in complete tears. Living in a small town, they’ve seen me before and even said, they’ve never seen me cry. I normally try and crack jokes at my own expense.
I went through the “healing time”. Physical therapy has been my primary way of dealing with pain but insurance tries to block it substantially. Since October, I have gotten worse. Symptoms continuing to come back or worsen that I haven’t dealt with in ages.
It is heartbreaking to be telling people you feel better, you think you’ll be able to do more things, and then have it all ripped out from under you. I have dealt with numbness and burning going into my arms, huge trigger point knots that block and restrict movement, killer migraines, and even times when lifting my arm to brush my hair brings me to pain and tears. Devastating doesn’t even cover it.
We’ve been attempting dry needling, as well as more muscle stim, and kinesiology tape. There’s been relief but it becomes short-lived. The moment the tape comes off, the pain comes rushing back.
It’s distracting and debilitating. I continue to try and work through the things I need to get done for the day or kids to appointments but it can spread a person thin.
People don’t like to admit they are in pain. People don’t like to admit that they are struggling to do something we might take advantage of in our day to day life.
Be kind. Offer a hand. Just because you might not visibly see an issue, it doesn’t mean it’s not there.
