Today is the official day to say goodbye to my Dad. It hasn’t full hit me yet. I’m mad. The world’s still moving but I feel numb.
So what if he wasn’t “around” when I was little? That doesn’t matter. I wouldn’t BE HERE on this Earth if it wasn’t for him. He had a good heart. HE TRIED. There were lots of barriers but he reached out and attempted to re-connect. The time was short but we got in some laughs. I figured out some of my “traits” that were definitely of his nature. I definitely figured out some of my musical tastes (How many 22 year olds listen to Lynard Skynard??)
While my Grandfather was my “DAD”, Kevin was still the person who created me. I wouldn’t have these two beautiful little girls if he hadn’t been here. So please, don’t tell me “It’s not like you knew him well.” We only had four years “together” but blood will always be thicker than water. And it hurts because we should have had many many more years. 22 year olds aren’t supposed to say goodbye to their parents.
These lyrics hit me for more reason than one.
[Verse 1:]
He drops his suitcase by the door
She knows her daddy won’t be back anymore
She drags her feet across the floor
Tryna hold back time to keep him holding on
And she says[Pre Chorus:]
Daddy Daddy don’t leave
I’ll do anything to keep you
Right here with me
Can’t you see how much I need youDaddy Daddy don’t leave
Mommy’s saying things she don’t mean
She don’t know what she’s talking about
Somebody hear me out[Chorus:]
Father listen
Tell him that he’s got a home and he don’t have to go
Father save him
I would do anything in return
I’ll clean my room
Try hard in school
I’ll be good
I promise you
Father, Father
I pray to you[Verse 2:]
Now she hasn’t slept in weeks
She don’t want to close her eyes cause she’s scared that he’ll leave
They tried just about everything
It’s getting harder now
For him to breathe
And she says[Pre Chorus:]
Daddy Daddy don’t leave
I’ll do anything to keep you
Right here with me
Can’t you see how much I need youDaddy Daddy don’t leave
The doctors are saying things they told me
They don’t know what they talking about
Somebody hear me out[Chorus:]
Father (father) listen (listen)
Tell him that he’s got a home and he don’t have to go (don’t have to go)
Father (father) save him
I would do anything in return
I’ll clean my room
Try hard in school
I’ll be good
I promise you
Father, Father
I pray to you[Hook:]
Please don’t let him go (don’t let him go)
I’m begging you so (I’m begging you so)
There open his eyes
There ain’t no more time
To tell him that I love him more
The many thing in the world
Is Daddy’s little girl[Chorus:]
Father (father) listen (listen)
Tell him that he’s got a home and he don’t have to go (don’t have to go)
Father (father) save him
I would do anything in return
I’ll clean my room
Try hard in school
I’ll be good
I promise you
Father, FatherShe was Daddy’s Little Girl
Mmmmm Oh
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19 Comments
Girl. I am bawling! I am hurting for you. I am so sorry for your loss. Regardless of the relationship, or lack there of, Kevin was and still IS your dad. I wrote a poem a while back about the loss of my grandmother. Even though you were not ‘there’ to say your goodbye to him in person, it is never too late to say your goodbye to him. Do what I said earlier on messenger. Write a note to him, express your feelings, get mad, get sad, get happy. Tell him all about you and your girls. SPEAK to him. He will see it. He will read it. He knows you are there. I am here for you at any time, day or night.
Sending lots of cyber {{{HUGS}}} your way…
I’m very sorry for your loss. I hope you can take comfort in the last few years you got to spend with your dad. It’s important to honor his memory however it feels right to you.
Jenna,
I’m so sorry for your loss. You finally get to connect with your Dad, and he’s taken from you.
So sorry to hear of your loss. 🙁 I found out about your father’s passing through a tweet from Mommy Goggles, and after reading your post- I just want to say I have walked in your shoes.
Don’t let anyone tell you the weight and impact it should have on your life… like you said, he is still your father.
I lost my father the day after Christmas last year, our relationship was turbulent also- we were actually on the outs when he passed- and though it took me an entire week to come to grips with my emotion, it was real… and it cut deep. I wrote a letter to help me cope (http://www.complicatedmama.com/2008/12/29/open-letter-lacking-raw-emotion/) it helped some.
Hang in there, I will keep you in my prayers.
Losing someone that you felt like you should have been close to but were not is the worst kind of loss, I feel.
I’m so sorry! {{Hugs}} It doesn’t matter how your relationship was, he was still your father.
Jenna,
I feel like I know you though we havenever met. Tanya has told me so much about you and I just wanted to tell you I am sorry for your loss and feel your pain. I know that what you are going through right now is hard and I am sure plenty of peolple are telling you it will get easier. Truthfully it does but it takes time and everything you are feeling is perfectly noramal, I have been there before, don’t let anyone tell you differntly. My thoughts are with you today and as you go forward.
((HUGS))
Jenna – I am so, so sorry. You will be in my thoughts…
Jenna, I am so sorry for your loss. Reading your story reminds me of me and my dad. I didn’t know my dad until I was 11, I had about 6 months with him before he passed away. Even though it was only 6 months I am thankful for that. Thankful I got to know him just a little. He passed away a week and a half after my 12th birthday. I think about him all the time and miss him so much, but I know he is in heaven looking out for me (and I truly believe he is).
I am saying a prayer for you.
Jenna, I really hope I didn’t upset you last night. I think what I wanted to say came out wrong. I know that you’re hurting and I’ll still be here for you when you need/want to talk. You know all the b/s with my parents and I couldn’t have done a lot of it without you. And if anything happened to them now, I’d feel miserable. They are still my parents afterall. Thinking about you, hon. And sending you HUGE hugs.
I’m sorry for your loss! HUGS! That post and song is heartbreaking. I understand where you are coming from because my Grandpa was my “Dad” growing up and my dad and I have only had a relationship for a few years. It would be devastating.
I am so very sorry for your loss
Praying for your emotional comfort.
So Sorry for your loss~Keeping you in all my thoughts and prayers for the days ahead {{{HUGS}}}
Jenna, I’m so very sorry for your loss. Even though you didn’t have much time with him a parent is a parent and I can’t imagine how hard this is on you. That song is so very sad! Here are some ginormous (((((((HUGS)))))))) from me! Hope you’re having a good Thanksgiving with your family. Love ya girly!
Darn! I shouldn’t read these things at work because my eyes are watery! I am sorry for your loss. I am not close with my biological father, but if he left this world, I would be sad. We cannot take away the fact that they made us! We should be greatful for that at least. I had a few years with my dad when I was younger and I remember they were great! He has not spoken to me since I was 18, but life goes on. I am over it and am definitely not holding a grudge. Thanks for sharing this heart warming story. Maybe it will open other people’s eyes that life is too short to take for grantide the people in our lives.