I’m horrible at coping. I’m a worrywart over some of the dumbest things. I don’t know if it’s wanting everything to be perfect or everyone to be happy but sometimes it’s no wonder I’ve literally ran myself into the ground.
With everything that has happened over the last month and half, I’ve been in overload. From my body literally forcing me to sleep (I didn’t stand a chance of staying awake on a few of those times) and all of the stress completely knocked out any immunity my already screwed-up body had.
The way I could think of describing it all to a friend was like the boy who cried wolf but my luck made it a real wolf every time. I clearly pissed off the karma gods in some way. Pregnancy loss, infections, chest pains, high blood pressure, ambulances, car battery dies, car battery replaced to find out it’s really the alternator, having to stress over having no vehicle and missing various things. With all of it, I’ve fallen behind on things and while most have been very understanding and told me to stop stressing myself out so much, I’ve had some less than understanding to deal with that have made me feel like a total loser.
I’ve had lots of tears, lots of emotions, but I’m still alive, even if I feel weak. I’ve had my children to keep me smiling, I’ve had friends that have reached out to make me feel a bit more at ease, and I’ve realized, sometimes you have to take a step back and do the best you can. If others around you are unwilling to accept your best you can provide, it’s on them.
With everything that’s happened, 2014 has got to be better.
I might not feel it, but I’m still swinging.
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