“What will it take to get passed this?”
I honestly don’t know.
Just part of the conversation I had today while in therapy. Yes, I’m blogging about therapy. No, that doesn’t make me some nut case. I’m just sick of the taboo that individuals in my situation have faced and feeling ashamed.
I blame myself every day. I should have seen the red flags. I should have known something wasn’t right. Instead, I ignored the red flags. Much like I have attempted to ignore the facts and held this secret inside.
The tears came close to falling today as I talked out the thoughts in my head. I’ve not discussed in detail the events that happened that night. Nor do I know if I want to. Or if it will help me.
I really don’t know.
Post-traumatic stress disorder. Does it ever go away? How do you get rid of the pain, the eating away, the fear?
I was the one assaulted. I was the one bruised. I was the one throwing up along side the road from the realization of what happened.
And yet, I still take blame.
I’ve yet to make myself a survivor of sexual assault. I don’t know when, if, or even how I will turn myself to that. I’ve ignored it for this long…